If it were at all possible to actually post pictures of people next to their descriptors, my face would be next to slacker in the world of Merriam-Webster. I make looking busy while doing fuckall, an art form. I always feel so pressed upon but sometimes accomplish so very little. I was just challenged by Daowouhd to go 38 days at full throttle. I accepted the challenge. The deal is I have to write at least 3 sentences about my day within 24 hours of each post, chronicling what I feel I've accomplished all day. It's a good thing I know that Wouhd loves me like no other because if not, I'd swear he were trying to introduce me to self torture.
So here's the nutshell version first post:
*I spent 40 minutes chatting with Wouhd. It would have been better if I had a cam on this hunk of junk (let me not push it because ol betsy windows 7 will crash for pure spite). I really do love that guy. If he hadn't moved back to Japan, I'd probably be Mrs. Yamahiro by now. Alas, everything that can happen, will. Fucking Murphy. Anyway, the challenge is to give more than my normal 80% for 38 days. One day for each year of my life. They say if you repeat anything enough it becomes a habit. Wouhd thinks this will foster better habits in me. Cross your fingers and pray for the M.
*Friends have been dropping like tse tse flies. One of my best friends is mad at me because I fucked up and wasn't on point when she was putting herself out of her way to help me. I gotta figure out a way to apologize since I am the suck. One of them I let go because I was making her unhappy and it was about to get real. Another I cut off since he was being a mega douche and I'm too old for the fuckery. I was thinking about how much I missed them and how deeply it hurt me when I saw this:
It applies (Mo being the only exception) so I guess that covers that. I'm done dealing with shit or people that make me unhappy. I was always one of those people that would maintain communication with folks that are toxic out of sheer loyalty. Don't get me wrong, if I barely know you, you're fucked 10 ways til Sunday. I have NO problem cussing that ass out. However, if I care for someone and know them for some time, I will put up with ALL KINDS of pure shit. I've run out of toilet paper. No more shit for me.
*I'm going to spend Thanksgiving with my sister and two nieces. I can't wait to see the princess and my mouse. WIN!
*I've been hanging out with a friend that I've known for a few years and it's rather odd. It seems to me that people fall for each other in direct correlation to the time they spend together. I'm no different. I really dig dude. Always have. Never pushed the issue though. Friendships always last longer than relationships in my world. But holy shit I'd so go there... Good thing he's never been interested in me that way or it would seriously complicate my life.
*My gentleman friend has been sickly. It makes me afraid to age. It seems so damned complicated and sickening. Also it doesn't look like much fun. No wonder he has me around, without me he'd die from normalcy. I may be crazy but I'm never boring.
*I'm waiting patiently to start working regularly. The holdup is happening because my boss is in transition. The job is perfect though. I love music and nightlife so this is going to be epic. Still, until things settle down, I'm broker than the 10 commandments. My mom wants me to get a traditional job, I feel bile rise in my throat every time I think about conforming. Granted, I could hustle my writing a little harder (hence the 38 day challenge), but a 9-5 would kill me dead. Mostly I've been eking by and tending bar at a speak-easy. I won't lie, slinging drinks at a hush-hush is loads of fun if you can handle the hours. The only problem is my tendency to hang out after work, thereby nullifying the whole point of working in the first place.
*I constantly complain about the time I do not have to share with people and the truth is: I just don't want to go any damn where. I'm one of those if-I-think-about-it-it-won't-happen lazy fuckers. For instance: go to Brooklyn for a photo shoot? You're out of your gourd. But the hour I spent thinking about how much I don't want to travel to Brooklyn, I would have seen me half way there. Let's not forget I've been to Brooklyn for shittier reasons than to have an amazing photographer take pictures of me. Go fucking figure.
*Speaking of amazing photographers, one of them actually does want to shoot me. I'm all for it except I'm all shy and awkward on the low. Seriously. Academically, I know I'm one sexy motherfucker. Internally, I'm just M from the block. A nice, no where near normal, gal from around the way that will cuss you out and give you love in the same breath. It weirds me out (and always has) when people want to capture me in picture form. They shoot gorgeous/artistic/anorexic/insanely tall women... I don't fit in... but hey, if I keep getting the requests everybody can't be wrong.
*Married men and men with girlfriends really need to stay away from me. Rub me the wrong way and I will blow your spot up. Then when your woman hands you your ass on a plate don't get mad at me. No one told you to go hunting outside of your territory. The M is good for the BOOM!
*I just found out last night that someone I thought was hella attractive thought I was attractive too. Whodathunkit?!
*An ex wants me back. For the long haul. There's got to be something in the water because old time somethings are falling all up out the insulation. I mean it. Some are a breath of Frsh Aire. Others stink like old yak milk. As for this particular ex, I dunno. Popping back into my life is nuts... We broke up for a reason. Those reasons probably still exist. However, you never know. At least when I come to a lake I dip my toe in the water before I decide to swim. He wasn't a total douche, maybe there's less algae in the water now... or maybe there's more. Only time will tell.
*I am single. I have made no solid commitment to anyone. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a serial monogamist who is deeply in love (especially with love), but I'm not seeing anyone who can stop me from dating anyone else. I am ok with it. Normally, I'm used to being in a relationship, whether it be months or years. I've been single for over a year now. I was beginning to get that weird woman itch. You know the one that says something must be wrong with you if a man doesn't want to forsake all others for you. Every chick gets that dumb ass itch at some point. Then I realized that being single gives me the opportunity to avoid getting hurt. I can take my time and have fun. Also I can do what the fuck I want. When I want. So help me sweet rotund Buddha. It's gonna take a
special man to lock me down. Amen.
*I have severe insomnia. It's making me crazier than I already am. That's a terrifying thought, ain't it? With that said, I'm going to lay it down and try to catch an hour or two. I have an actual fuckton of errands to run today if I am to win this 38 day challenge. Thank you Yamahiro. I love you.
Oh yeah:
you know you're fucking jealous... Raye 6
M,
beginning the days...
